I haven’t blogged for a while. I haven’t done a whole lot with music or music licensing either. Honestly I have been burned out. I stopped my live courses for a while to focus on an album that I wanted to produce. Had a big concert/fundraiser- with T-shirts, Cds, Vinyl, videos, a book that told the stories behind my songs from the last 10 years… and the POOF… a few days before the concert date- LOCKDOWN. We had to cancel, (postpone). COVID had cancelled me!! It was so much work and now it was gone. There are countless stories like that, so I am not alone. People who had plans, opening businesses, getting ready to go on tour, the Olympics- all cancelled. And then between what happened with George Floyd, as well as all the political turmoil, I was like WTF is going on in the world? What is wrong with us???
My motivation went to close to zero. But I wanted to make efforts to understand as well as to use my music to send a message. I repurposed my song With A Whisper into a lyric picture video capturing the turmoil we were in and to send a message of hope and healing. However, I also felt like everything I worked for was slipping through my hands. I saw it slipping away and felt like there was nothing I could do, nothing I wanted to do. The harder I pushed the harder it became. I was tired, maybe it wasn’t meant to be, maybe I needed to focus on something else. Practicing and playing was like a chore. I had zero desire to play. I was lucky in that I could still work at my day job during the lock downs, but that turned into crazy 10-12 hour days that we thought would only last a couple months. This was taking its toll. Through that, I wanted to write something that conveyed the extreme darkness I was experiencing and, I expect, many people were. My goal was to write, arrange, produce, mix and master this song myself and get it signed by a high bar publisher. Talk about pressure when I was already feeling pretty low. I started the song in May of 2020, and struggled through it all summer and fall. I decided to have other people play the instruments because I am just not good enough to play what I heard in my head. That makes me feel like I am an absolute failure. Which is not true. Why do I feel I have to do it all? (Perfectionism) . Do you ever feel that way? It’s like, if I don’t do everything, then I am not good enough… an attitude I need to work on. I also wanted a certain sound, style, and could hear the whole thing in my head. Going through the process was long & frustrating. I sang the vocals in my studio- got the tracks from my wonderful friends (Steve Collom on Guitar, CK Barlow on electric and Stephen Joseph Antonelli on synths, bass and strings). It took me a while to get to the final sound I wanted, and even then I was not sure it was good enough. 24 mixes later- I mastered the track and pressed the button- meaning, I sent it to the publisher. And then …. SILENCE. I have a relationship with this publisher, and usually, I would hear from him within a couple days. Time passed and I did not hear from him. I was getting worried with the fires in LA, and Covid, I was hoping he was ok. I waited two weeks and then I pinged him. I also expected that when I did hear from him, that it would be rejection or at best, he would want modifications. He got back to me and had been on vacation. To my surprise he LOVED the song and accepted it into his catalog! My goals since I started writing for Film & Tv, have evolved into being able to write & producing some of my own songs and getting them signed. I have done that with instrumentals, and have had a few songs now that I produced & got signed, so I should be proud of myself. Yet something dark still lingers that steals these joys from me. I am sure some of you can relate. So the song, Dust and Ashes, expresses those dark thoughts and feelings of being stuck and letting your dreams slip through your fingers. I wanted to release those thoughts into the universe and share what I have been feeling in hopes that others that feel that way know they are not alone. Dust and Ashes starts a series of music of what I am calling “The Dark Sessions”. These songs speak on the darker side of life, ranging in themes from control, frustration, broken relationships, messed up worlds, to a hesitant hope. The next release will be a single from my collaboration with CK Barlow. We call ourselves Devil Wing and the single is Silent Siren. The remaining songs on the EP will be released by end of January. I will post a blog about each subsequent Dark Sessions release in the coming months. I have posted the links to Dust and Ashes and Silent Siren below. We would appreciate listens, likes, follows & shares and of course your comments. Please let me know how you have been coping, or not coping during 2020. I also wish you a much better 2021. Please love each other and stay safe- Michelle Dust and Ashes
Silent Siren- Listen and Pre-Save Here:
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AuthorMichelle Lockey is a multi-award winning singer-songwriter sharing the knowledge she has learned over the years writing for Film & TV. Like what you are reading? Please Sign up to receive a FREE Music Licensing checklist! 10 Steps to Sync Success
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