This week I started to realize some things. My subconscious mind was doing things my conscious mind was not aware of. I have been so busy trying to be successful in music and in other passions that I just didn't know up from down and left from right. I was doing so many things that I didn't even know what to focus on anymore so I would subconsciously distract myself and before you know it, no real work was done or I was in a frenzy. But even more than that I was missing important things in my friends and families lives. This past weekend a good friend of mine got Baptized. I had every intention of going. I never put it on my calendar as a reminder and it just slipped my mind. I was so upset with myself for missing this milestone in a friends life. Luckily she had tons of support and was not upset with me, but I was upset with myself. Those are the kinds of things that can pass us by on the way to success. But what good is success if you have lost everything else? It caused me to take a step back and think. In the long run what is more important?
For the last couple months I have been running a Workshop called "Search for Significance" for a group of wonderful women at my church. One woman, who helped facilitate, I new her correct name the entire time but the last couple of weeks I started calling her a different name, and I had no idea I was doing that. I even put that name on a gift for her. WHAT??????? This was more than just putting the milk in the cub-bard and the cereal box in the freezer. (Please tell me you do that too!) Another sign of being so busy I don't know my A$$ from my Elbow. She was really cool about it and understood. But again I felt bad, another sign of doing too much. I am sure there are many more subtle things that others see and I don't.
I also stopped going to a small group bible study with my girlfriends. I was too "busy". I decided to go last Friday and it felt so good to sit down with friends an talk. We take the stories we read and start discussion how the lessons apply to our lives and affect behavior, it becomes really good discussion and leads to a great connection with these women. Something that I need. I forgot how good that felt. Way better than running around doing the million things I "need" to do and checking Facebook every five seconds.
I was also able to perform with the church band again a couple weeks ago and it felt really really good. I felt Alive, as I usually do with when I can sit back and just sing. Our church also had a great Good Friday experience where you visit the stations of the cross, read about the events at each station and reflect. I needed that time to reconnect with God and with myself. I don't know how long I sat in the tomb section but I needed to just sit and be.
So with the gentle reminders that I have received I am going to take a step back. Look at the really important things in life, my career and achieve more balance. If every little thing is not done perfectly or if it doesn't get done, then so be it, I need to make time for my friends and family. I don't want to miss those important milestones. I want to be more mindful. I want to have closer relationships and take time to sit and have coffee with someone. I want to put the phone down in the evening and talk to my husband more.
How long has it been since you sat in a quiet place and just was present with yourself? Or present with God? Or with Nature? Or to just be quiet and reflect? Or just present with each other? Our lives are so busy, it is just "do do do" all the time. No wonder some of us have no time for the really important things in life or "forget" things. And how much of the stuff we do is really necessary? What can we cut out? How can we be more efficient but be ok with less than perfect? I used to think that multitasking was a great talent.. but now I think it does not allow proper focus on a task. But more than that, it makes our minds constantly moving and thinking to the point of obsession and anxiety. It is time to take a step back, to reflect, to just be, to enjoy, to nurture, to move slower, to not be so perfect , to be mindful and to love.
Those are my thoughts for the day, as much as a reminder for myself as for others.
Peace and Love
Michelle Lockey is a multi-award winning singer-songwriter sharing the knowledge she has learned over the years writing for Film & TV.
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